So inspired by the lush rose gardens we saw the afternoon before at the Nampa Park across from Mom's childhood home, we set out to help mom plant some flowers, vegetables and herbs in her TT hanging gardens....
Mom had no idea at first what we were doing shoving tomato plants, basil and Rosemary into a green plastic container.
But after having her smell the herbs and put her hands in fresh dirt, a smile crossed her face. She happily put both hands into the dark rich soil and helped cover roots and anchor peppers and strawberries. It was a glimpse of the mom we knew. She was also delighted with the petunias we planted to help attract hummingbirds. We told her she needed to come everyday and water and check for vegetables so they could make a nice spaghetti sauce. (Hopefully the nurses, other patients and owners will help! They loved the idea but you never know if they will remember-- memories are short on non alzheimer's patients as well-- myself included)
Mom had no idea at first what we were doing shoving tomato plants, basil and Rosemary into a green plastic container.
But after having her smell the herbs and put her hands in fresh dirt, a smile crossed her face. She happily put both hands into the dark rich soil and helped cover roots and anchor peppers and strawberries. It was a glimpse of the mom we knew. She was also delighted with the petunias we planted to help attract hummingbirds. We told her she needed to come everyday and water and check for vegetables so they could make a nice spaghetti sauce. (Hopefully the nurses, other patients and owners will help! They loved the idea but you never know if they will remember-- memories are short on non alzheimer's patients as well-- myself included)
A funny thing happened. Mom saw the scissors we used to open the dirt container. She kept hiding the scissors in her lap. She would say "I really need scissors. They won't let me have them....I need scissors to do things....." We kindly kept taking them from her. At one point I noticed that she had stood up and placed both her crocs over the scissors to hide them. Ilene did a smart thing -- she got a broom to sweep up the dirt we spilled. And to distract mom from the scissors, she handed mom the broom. Mom was delighted. It was like a new toy. And then before my misty eyes should appear was my old mother, I don't mean as in aged, I mean the mother I knew that loved a clean patio and would sweep whenever worries were on her mind.
Her coordination was good, she could wield the broom nimbly and if you looked past the purple sweats, which she never would have worn, Sheila had returned!
Ilene tucked one of the fallen petunias and put it behind mom's ear like she did when Mom went to BYU Hawaii.
How synchronous that it matched the flowers on her shirt.
And then as I watched some more, I realized it really was mom back from the past, because she wouldn't stop and sit with us anymore. She just kept working and sweeping and sweeping as if her life depended on it.
And I suddenly felt weighted down and sad and thought 'how we never grow to our potential.' We have this ability to have magical lives like the TT Hanging Gardens to produce great yields and defy gravity but it was just an illusion. It was a wish that could never come true.....
I thought about our biggest complaints growing up, that mom never had time to sit with us-- ever-- because she was always on the go with the dairy and farm and work as a Physical Therapist.... and the thought came to me "You girls got what you prayed for...." And I bristled thinking "how is her losing her memory getting what we prayed for?"Heidi respectfully took the broom from mom, and we all went inside. Athlyn helped mom into a chair, and mom stayed put in the chair with all of us around her. Ilene began singing and Mom chimed in. We all started singing together.
Mom would have sat in the chair all day singing with us if we didn't have to leave and go and do a million things ourselves. Jenn pointed out the tragic irony, when we needed our mother she can't sit still for us, and when she can finally sit still for us we can't sit still for her. And then the magic worked on me...... a thought began taking root and growing before my eyes... I realized this "new mother" was not the exact thing we had prayed for but she was the mother who could now sit still and just be with us and love us unconditionally.
Be careful what you pray for--- you might just get a "answer" you didn't bargain for.... and maybe that is the magic afterall.
